Now THIS is a Subway Nut I could get DOWN With.

This. Video. Is. ABSURD. I’ve never seen such an over-the-top response to a simple foot stomp. Honestly, subway foot stomps happen ALL THE TIME. Part of the fun of taking the subway is finding out how many of your toes aren’t broken at the end of the ride. The only instance in which this might be an appropriate response to the situation at hand would be if this woman had guessed Rumpelstiltskin’s name and he STILL insisted on spiriting away with her baby.

YOU. BETTER. WORK.

By far the best and most disorienting music video of recent memory (is that bread he just flung around his neck at 0:38?), Ssion’s “My Love Grows in the Dark” pays homage to the most DIVINE club tropes of the late ’80s and ’90s – and it’s a super catchy song, too. Check it out!

So as much as I loathe him, Beiber’s new single is FIRE.

Something about this track’s haunting bird call combined with Justin Bieber’s [actually really fantastic] falsetto performance on it makes me want to record a Kreayshawn-style video in which I lip-synch “Boyfriend” on top of a roof while wearing a purple sequined fitted. I imagine this fits in nicely with Justin Bieber’s evil plan to create an army of his very own clones, starting with the lesbians (http://lesbianswholooklikejustinbieber.tumblr.com/).

I’m passing out…I’m passing out…GONE.

I strongly believe that there is nothing funnier than watching someone pass out and fall down. Maybe it’s because I spend 80% of my life feeling like I’m going to pass out and fall down, and maybe it’s because I have a soul as black and charred as a briquette. Whatever the reason, I enjoy watching people pass out so much that I sometimes watch compilation videos of people fainting on Youtube when I need a laugh.

Knowing this, you can imagine the PURE, UNBRIDLED JOY I felt the first time I watched this video of David Buckner passing on out on The Glenn Beck Show. I’ve watched this video around 500 times by now, and it never gets less funny. My favorite part is ALL OF IT, so watch and enjoy.

Daily Aggravation 23: When someone catches you singing to yourself

While waiting for the elevator in my lobby this morning, I was passionately mouthing along with the Usher song, “Climax,” which is mortifying in and of itself (but it’s SO GOOD, jesus). I was just hitting the sweet spot at 2:53 when a lady came out of one of the doctor’s offices next to the elevator bank and caught me with my fists clenched, brow furrowed and mouth open. I tried to pretend that my jaw was bothering me and kind of massaged the side of my face, but she totally knew that she had witnessed something embarrassing and scurried away. Cringe.

Happy Spring!

Today is the Vernal Equinox, which means that Winter is finally over! Even though this past Winter was the second warmest in New York City history, that didn’t stop me from eating like a pig for three months and gaining ten pounds. Eek.

This means that today I’m stuck wearing a long skirt and blazer à la Carnie Wilson at 0:49 in the video for “Hold On” (above). Since literally no one watches this video and thinks, “Gee, I’d like to look like Carnie Wilson in her ‘Hold On’ days,” I think it’s time to bust out my Jillian Michaels workout DVD and get cracking.

Happy Spring!