Woah…you have SERIOUS hair. Like, a hairline that starts roughly 3cm above your eyebrows! “My self-summary: I don’t like putting up info about myself online (in case the terrorists use it to blackmail me and my friends) but, alas, times have changed, so… you want to know about Elias? I’ll TELL ya ‘bout Elias.” Woah. “I’m the guy in the purple suit and crazy clown makeup” – spelled MAKUEUP – “I’m the prideful lion. I’m the lone wolf.” Well, you can’t be a lion AND a wolf. You have to pick one of the two. “What do people notice about me? My hair.” No kidding…your hair is positioned wrong on your head! You should probably curse God for that, the fact that you have that situation.

This is the first in a series called “Caroline Plays Mean Quickmatch.” Mean Quickmatch  is a game in which you scroll through the ‘quickmatch’ option on Okcupid.com and make nasty and superficial comments about each of the prospective suitors that appears.