A Note to the German Tourist who Nearly Broke my Foot:

Hey, LADY. Yes, I’m talking to you. I see from your three Kipling suitcases and aqua traveler’s belt that you’re on your way back to Quedlinburg. Well, guess what – you’re still in NYC, and here, it’s NOT OKAY to roll over a stranger’s foot on the subway, make eye contact, and not apologize. You can redeem yourself by never coming back to my city.