Slow-moving joggers are weird and bum me out. Honestly, guy, you put on your spandex outfit to stagger down the street more slowly than if you were walking? I don’t want to have to worry that you’re about to drop dead of a heart attack in front of me while I’m trying to enjoy my afternoon jaunt.
I get it, Sir. You’re vain, you’re compulsive about staying in shape, and you fancy yourself a regula’ Adonis (said with the best possible ‘Frenchie’ accent from Grease). Here’s what you don’t get: ladies aren’t huge fans of nuts in the first place, so watching you run around the streets of New York with yours squeezed into a spandex pair of lime green short shorts is definitely not the aphrodisiac you seem to think it is.