Sharp Teeth, Sharper Tongue
I was out for dinner last night at a sub-par restaurant on the UWS when I noticed something unsettling on the wine menu. The only Pinot Noir that you could order by the glass was called the Pennywise. This concerned me greatly, because, HELLO, Pennywise is the name of the clown from It, and I…
I received the following e-mail in my spam folder, which I check compulsively in case I miss a job offer from a prospective employer. Below is the original text of the solicitation, and beneath that is my response. Hello There. I was checking on craigslist and i came accross your post. I’m Aaron…
Today, I witnessed a truly revolting thing: a woman CHANGING her toddler’s DIAPER while he stood on the SIDEWALK next to his carriage. Clearly he had deuced himself, and for whatever reason, this nasty woman had thought, “Hey, why walk the one block to a public bathroom when I can just strip, wipe and change…
I was walking down Park Avenue the other day when I spied a junkie nodded out in a wheelchair on the corner. He was sound asleep, wearing fingerless gloves and everything, and a thread of saliva three inches long was hanging from his open mouth. As I neared him, a tall, robotic man in a…
Now you can tweet your Seamless.com delivery order. This is a great tool for people who BLADFLSKHSDF I DON’T GIVE A RAT’S PATOOT THAT YOU’RE ABOUT TO EAT GYOZA!
I’m just going to say it: I’m basically sedentary. Although I do walk a fair amount (what up, Manhattan!), I don’t go to the gym or do yoga, I don’t like “the outdoors,” and on my life resume, one of my most developed skills is reclining. My knee doctor was the first person to expose…
“WAKE UP!” is not the most sensitive thing to say to the pretty much catatonic old woman who is trying to buy an umbrella from you.
