A Little Morning Menacing

There’s nothing like witnessing a menacing during your morning commute. I had this pleasure a couple of hours ago on the last car of the 6 train. When I got onto the subway, I noticed that there was a morbidly obese, crazy-eyed man sitting across from me. I didn’t think much of him until he startled me by shouting, “BLOCKA BLOCKA!” ┬áloudly and aggressively to no one. ‘Ok,’ I thought. ‘We’ve got a nut in Aisle 2. Duly noted.’ Then, much to my chagrin, he stood up, went over to a random businessman and threateningly got in the guy’s face like he wanted to fight. The businessman promptly fled to the other end of the car like a bat out of hell; I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone scamper so fast. I thought for a moment, decided it would be a shame to get shanked a month before my 25th birthday, and ran to another car as soon as we pulled into the next stop. As a native New Yorker, it takes a lot to freak me out – so congratulations, Nutty McScary Guy, on accomplishing the nearly impossible!

It’s Good to be a Rich Baby

I just saw a child in a carriage wearing Bose noise-cancelling headphones. First of all, if your kid is old enough to be a Bar Mitzvah, he shouldn’t be in a stroller anymore. Secondly, why does he have $300 headphones on? Are you afraid that he’ll be corrupted by the chatter of the plebeians? Sheesh.

Daily Aggravation 39: Slow-Moving Joggers

Slow-moving joggers are weird and bum me out. Honestly, guy, you put on your spandex outfit to stagger down the street more slowly than if you were walking? I don’t want to have to worry that you’re about to drop dead of a heart attack in front of me while I’m trying to enjoy my afternoon jaunt.

A Note to the German Tourist who Nearly Broke my Foot:

Hey, LADY. Yes, I’m talking to you. I see from your three Kipling suitcases and aqua traveler’s belt that you’re on your way back to Quedlinburg. Well, guess what – you’re still in NYC, and here, it’s NOT OKAY to roll over a stranger’s foot on the subway, make eye contact, and not apologize. You can redeem yourself by never coming back to my city.