Daily Aggravation 32: When Girls Say They “Do Weed”

If you tell me that you ‘do weed,’ then you are clearly demonstrating that you’re one of those annoying bitches who takes two hits and then freaks out and starts screaming about how you’re slipping into another dimension and you’re never going to be able to make it back. If only that were true, sister – if only that were true.

Daily Aggravation 31: When You Think You Look Great and Then You See Yourself in a Mirror

It’s always a total bummer when you leave your apartment and you’re all, “Damn, I look awesome today, bring on the catcalls,” and then you catch a glimpse of yourself in a store window while you’re out and you’re all, “Oh, shit, I actually look like John Goodman in this outfit.”

Daily Aggravation 29: When Women Bleach their Mustaches Instead of Waxing Them

Seriously, ladies, if you have what looks like a caterpillar on your upper lip, you have to wax that shit the fuck off. Bleaching it does nothing but make you look like a gross, furry version of a ‘Got Milk’ ad/The Monopoly Guy. Get your act together.

WTF are “The Hunger Games?”

Can someone please explain to me what exactly these “Hunger Games” I’m hearing so much about are? When I think of ‘hunger games,’ the only thing that comes to mind is when I pretend that I’m starving and haven’t eaten in a week right before I chow down on a whole Entenmann’s cake.