Wanking in Memphis (actually, San Diego, but whatever)

TMZ.com, that highly-revered bastion of responsible journalism, has posted a video of Kony 2012 creator Jason Russell during this epic San Diego meltdown that we’ve all been hearing so much about. In the video, Russell is as naked as the day is long, screams the word ‘fuck’ a lot and does nude calisthenics on a street corner while people film him.

Apparently, all that exercise and spastic clapping got him worked up, because reports indicate that Russell’s next move was to start chokin’ the chicken in front of everyone and get arrested for it.

I have to admit, I feel bad for the guy. Clearly, all the stress of being suddenly thrust into the public eye set him off – and judging from this video, it seems like he probably wasn’t playing with a full deck of cards in the first place. Can you imagine how awful he must have felt when he finally sobered up in the jail cell and had this inner dialogue with himself?

Jason (thinking): Oh, shit. Where the hell am I?
Jason (thinking: You’re in jail, you stupid fuck.
Jason (thinking): Wait, what?! The last thing I remember was pounding that bottle of Wild Irish Rose after neglecting to take my Abilify for three weeks!
Jason (thinking): Yeah, well, some *major* stuff went down after you blacked out.
Jason (thinking): Stuff? Are you kidding? What kind of stuff?
Jason (thinking): Well, you, uh, you got completely naked. Like, your balls were out, man.
Jason (thinking): NO! No UNDERWEAR?
Jason (thinking): You were as naked as a jaybird, buddy. On the street. With people around you. And also, they were filming the whole thing. And then you masturbated in public and then you got put in jail. I’m sorry, bro.
Jason (thinking): Well, huh! How about that.
(long pause.)
You know, I never thought I’d say it, but I actually wish Joseph Kony were here right now to put a bullet through my fucking head.

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